E)(|O+

2005-04-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

AC cross country,
May the spirit never die.
Such passion that burns deep within the heart of every runner, strength fueled by our benevolent and compassionate god. This is a team i will be proud to say that i had once been a member of. No, as our 2004 captain put it--a comrad in arms.
Keep running, run to run faster and never stop. When the going gets tough, suffer with the team as that bond keeps you united and unfaltering.
But most importantly, don't ever forget why you run least you lose your sanity training your asses off. Despite the torturous feeling you get after going through constant 3:18s and 400m laps, it will never be something you will regret, running gives you more than a hell of an experience and a trophy, sometimes no trophy. It teaches you lessons you will never forget for the rest fo your life.

2005-04-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

'Why do you want to become a doctor?' The one question which would justify my 3-4hours a day of diligent mugging at my desk. More like why the heck did you come all the way to Australia just to study your eyes out? There’s plenty opportunity for that in Singapore.
Funny enough I'm just one of at least half a dozen Singaporean who have made this momentous decisions to sacrifice their sweet teenage years for the opportunity to be a doctor. So much for nostalgic memories of my youth...
If you really want the reason, i would say that it is a life decision. A decision to make something happen in my life, a profession which i can excel in and actually do something worthwhile.
I look at the businessmen hurrying along the streets of the CBD in their BMWs and Mercs, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding a mobile to their ear. The impression i get is that they are going to close off yet another million dollar deal with some MNC, or just starting a massive advertising project to sell more mass produced goods made in a third-world country.
What’s the motive behind that? The purpose? Simple... Rich man's bread and butter-- money
Not just enough for basic life support, excessive amounts of it. It becomes an addiction to earn it, no amount of money can truely satisfy them, the more they earn, the more they indulge and then expect more.
Fine enough for me...they have lots of fun lavishing themselves with riches, but then you would have to ask yourself, when you reach your golden years, what really have you achieved? Are you satisfied with your life? Have you dome something worthwhile? Is it worthwhile to keep earning and earning money?

The value of money is all relative. A homeless person would easily rejoice over $5 as he could then buy a meal to fill his empty stomach. A typical student would be jubilant thinking about all the cool computer games he could buy if he had $100 but having $5 in his wallet was nothing to get excited about. A higher-income worker would grin at the prospect of a new $100,000 S-class Mercz but the latter could throw away a $5 bill for all he cared!

Money is also prone to inflation. One year a dollar can buy you a bottle of coke, the next year, you need $1.10 for the same bottle.
The point im trying to make is that money is an intangible incentive to work so hard for, sure we need it to cover our living expenses but there are other rewards which have greater value than money.

My father once helped an old employee who was in financial ruin a few years back and that person managed to set up a successful business of his own with his help. When i met him, the way he talked about my father made me realise how much he appreciated him. If it was'nt for my dad, this person would'nt be where he was today. This is the type of impact a selfless deed had on one person,
the gratitude he had towards my father was priceless, something money could not buy nor reproduce the joy i felt at that moment.
This is what being a doctor allows one to do for his fellow human beings. Do you not notice how happy most doctors are with their lives? It is because they are doing something good. So, to finally convince myself that suffering for another year IS actually worth it… As long as I keep my end goal in mind.

2005-03-25T04:18:00.000-08:00

This thursday Taylors college had their multi-cultural festival and students were given the opportunity to sell items for economical benefits. For some stupid reason, i had this brilliant idea to sell ice-cream. It made sense at first.... Ice-cream is always a good idea on a hot day, especially since its the refreshingly soft kind. Not to mention that i got it whole sale at a dollar a litre.
So along with this cunning plan to make big money i went, happily spending $65 on cones,sprinkles,ice cream, ice cream scoops and ice to keep it from melting. I wasted over 5hours of my time organising and preparing for the big day when i would claim my booty selling ice-cream. On the day its self, i was left standing all alone at my stall which attracted all eyes but repelled everyone that passed by. I made a profit though! But that profit totalled somewhere in the negative region, the few cones i did sell covered all but $20 of my start up cost.
Sigh, $20 dollars less and a lesson learnt for that day..... Selling stuff ain't easy and organsing a stall isn't either!

2005-03-19T03:01:00.000-08:00

The minimum score required to get into medicine at monash University...360/400
My average test results: 80%
Time for some serious studying and mugging.

2005-03-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

Flashy lights, smoky air, alcohol everywhere, dance music with a beat that makes your entire body vibrate with the force of the massive subwoofers just 2meters away from you. Not to mention watching your friends get down and shake their asses like you've never seen before,one of the most disturbing sights is seeing your good friend rub his entire frontal area against your 'good female' friend's behind in a slow rythmic motion holding her ass all the while.
Thats clubbing for the first time for you. snuck in with fake IDs, danced until there was a drug bust and a fight so we had to leave. Had a girl in our group get drunk, and hung around the local seven eleven at bourke street until the dorm's main doors unlocked at 630am telling ghost stories all the while.

Will never go clubbing again unless someone forces me to go!!!

Clothes had a badddd smell, shoes had gum stuck on the bottom, slept through the entire saturday,had a very irritating 'ring' in my ears till the next day and got a runny nose on sunday.

2005-02-10T01:29:00.000-08:00

About two months ago, The circumstances that I was in told me that I no longer had any reason to live. That to die the next day was perfectly ideal.
Up until that point, I had no idea what life was really about. It was not just about the fun times you had at school, nor was it all the outings you had with your friends, Life included everything that could possibly happen to you, good or bad. When you feel that life absolutely sucks and depression and sadness could not possibly enter another level.
Stop.
Think.
This is your life, you can only live it once, EVERYTHING is an experience of life. Without the ‘downs’ of life, life would just not be life, it would be a fantasy world. Although sometimes the world makes you feel so incredibly sad, go ahead and take some time off for yourself but know that life WILL go on. It does seem depressing looking at the inevitability of death in 60-70years time but your life does serve a purpose. Whats your life’s purpose?

2005-02-06T01:11:00.000-08:00

It has been almost two weeks living in the down-under…. Funny, it seems like an eternity since seeing my friends and family send me off at the airport. It has also been aeons ago since meeting my new group of friends here.

Time has passed so slowly and Melbourne, in this short time, has almost become home to me. I feel totally natural walking down the streets at 5 in the afternoon and watching all the shops close. I know every street and alleyway like the back of my hand and can get to the nearest supermarket in case of a magi-mee shortage in the dorm.

In the solitary space of my single room, I spend my time doing homework, reading my novel, the bible and daydreaming-----Of loved ones past, friends I’ve left behind, the AC cross team, new friends I’ve made, that girl I really like…
But the one thing that stuck to my head the most is what will the future bring? God tells us to not worry about our lives and to trust it to him to guide us through but I still can’t help but wonder.
What is going to happen in 10-20 years time?
Will I meet my old friends?
What would they look like?
What will they be like?
What will my mother and brother do?
Will my bro become a homeless beggar or will he start up a blue-chip company?
What university course will I go into?(Now I just know its either medicine or some science course)
What and where will I work?

Sigh… the future awaits… sometimes it is just so exciting wondering what will happen to me or sometimes, I get fill with apprehension and a sense of hopelessness whenever I think ahead.
Anyway, even though its only 15 or so years old, my bloody dorm is haunted. Some three nights ago, at around 11pm, some malay girl was looking at her covered window when some fingers pulled the blinds apart just enough to allow two ghastly white translucent eyes to glare at her. After two or three whole seconds of returning the eyes an equally intense gaze, she screamed so loud that half the boys woke up(boys stay on level one and girls stay on level two).
Apparently a spirit was also seen by last years batch walking around the corridors. I also know for a fact that no one is allowed to rent an apartment on the sixth floor of my dormitory. Maybe because it is haunted or something?
Another story that was passed around was that some of the girls upstairs were fooling around with an ouija board.(the board with alphabets on it which the players ask spirits to spell out messages)
Suddenly, everyone was placing their shoes in opposite directions and positioning mirrors just inside their doors. At night, more and more people were sleeping with their desk lamps on. Christians also started reading the bible and praying more.
So….since that incident, there has not been anymore ghost sightings…(HUEF)

2005-02-05T05:15:00.000-08:00

Australia—The down under continent. Land of unexplored frontiers and a place to start a new. Away from sad memories that banishes my soul to a dark bottomless pit, strangely making life seem just a little bit more pathetic than it already is.
For the seemingly-much-more-than one week that I have been here, I have made a new group of friends, allied with teachers(no, not becoming the teacher’s pet…) and settled into this alien habitat that sprawls with unfamiliar faces.
Exciting as it may be, It does not come without its drawbacks. On a Friday evening, at 10pm while walking briskly back to my dorm after having dinner at Chinatown, this rather old man in a Hawaiian shirt, Bermudas and sandals spotted me and came to walk beside me.
Despite my abnormally fast pace, he managed to keep up with me and started to ask me questions. ‘Hi’, he greeted.
‘Hello’, I responded politely.
‘Where ‘you from?’ The man questioned.
‘Singapore!’ proudly announcing my foreign status.
‘Oh! You don’t look Singaporean.’ He remarked quizzically.
‘Nah…. Stalling in mid sentence while trying to avoid the talk about my mixed background.
To cut things short, he asked me where I was staying and of course I gave him the most general answer; ’this area’. Then he asked me whether I had a girlfriend! When I answered no, he asked me whether I had ever had one. After I gave him a very hesitant answer, I asked out of curiosity why he wanted to know.
To my ABSOLUTE shock and horror,
he said very frankly,’Oh, I’m bisexual.’

At that crucial moment when I should have kneed him and flew as fast as my legs could carry me,I stood there, frozen in terror, too petrified to move.
This Gay faggot, thinking I didn’t understand him carried on,’ You know…
Gay!’
Not able to say anything, I nodded my head plainly in a very exaggerated manner while looking from left to right. On the brink of losing my mind or risk getting hit on further, I suddenly said to him ,’ you know, I seem to be in the wrong neighborhood!’
With that, I spun and dashed away, forcing myself to keep walking. When I reached the next street corner, I turned around it and took out my bulky wallet and handphone and raced down the adjacent street, trying to avoid the bisexual man. With fear on my side, I ran easily, one stride after the other in regular motion. Then, like an apparation out of a nightmare, the gay guy appeared infront of me, walking in the opposite direction to me. Though he shouted out an offer of directional help, I ignored him and kept on running. Not until I was inside and had slammed shut the outer door of my dorm did I realize how much I was quivering and sweating.
Melbourne---a city much unlike Singapore FOR SURE.
Hoever, the absolute worst thing is that Taylors college, my school, DOES NOT HAVE A CROSS COUNTRY TEAM!!! And to be honest, the ‘birdlife’ here is not exactly sprawling with exotic birds of paradise, maybe there are a few good-looking ones but those are on the endangered list. It is mostly dominated by the OH-so-common china or HongKong girl with Too much jewllery and make-up.
Another thing to complain about… My neighbors, 17 and 18 year old Malaysians, not only bring booze back to the dorm, they also smoke in their rooms. Man! They are also nocturnal animals, only coming to life after 2am when everyone is sleeping soundly.My ‘Mutt’ accent never fails to impress them so they do get a little sympathetic to my constant complains and I did learn one bad word in Malay, ’Pusima!’ Useful tool to use when I need to scold them J

2005-01-12T05:11:00.000-08:00

yup, so it is confirmed... In just more than a week, i will be on a jumbo-jet flying of to Melbourne.
Seems like an eternity ago when i was studying for the 'o' levels anticipating this event. The great leap overseas, to an alien world, a whole new set of friends, an enitrely different life.
This new experience is daunting yet exciting. Will i ever survive? New faces, new places. Perhaps loneliness will get the better of me? I may never fit in... Just all the doubts that come with every big decision.
On the other hand, living without any family nearby to control your life can bring on an immense sense of responsibility. That onerous feeling augmented by the fact that i am thousands of kilometers away from them!
WOO HOO!!! The freedom to do anything i want!!
The realization that i could commit serious mischeif and not be caught just brings a massive grin to my face.*MUAHAHAHA*

BUT, before all this can happen, i must pack for the trip---- Thus beginuth da great exodus of clothes,stationary and personal items.....into my suitcase. Insearch of the 'better life', hope for a new, I am leaving behind my beloved home, friends and family.
Sigh, TO ALL MY FRIENDS: Left behind physically but your with me in my memories.
KEEP IN TOUCH!

2005-01-08T03:06:00.000-08:00

Im starting to see another side of life that has barely made itself know to me. It is the cold-hard fact that everyone just has a short time on earth to live their lives. Once that opportunity has come and gone, you cease to exist in this world of 6billion people and merely live on in peoples memories. The deceased was just another human who came and went through this world. Lived his life and left.No longer to be seen again. The really odd thing is that despite the grievances and pain caused by the person’s passing, it is actually completely normal and infact necessary. This, sadly, is how our species works, the old die and make way for the new. This is to ensure the survival of the species. That, is the brutal truth of life.
Another thing that entered my train of thoughts one day is that since this is my only chance at life, I should stop being so damned pessimistic. ‘Life is short, quit F***ing around and start living’
Disasters happen, but when life knocks you down, pick yourself up and keep going. Laying there for an eternity feeling sorry for yourself is a disaster in itself.

2004-11-12T22:56:00.000-08:00

Brian-dead, boring, depressing- All the thoughts that fill my head as i sit at my desk. Just these few emotions felt that have built up over the course of 4months sitting at the same desk, like a prisoner confined to his cell.
My initial feelings were the desire to study, to secure that desired 6-8 points.Eagerness to learn,Trying to prepare myself for every possible question that may come out.Anxiousness, knowing that i have put tremendous pressure on myself to do well and to mug till i feel a master of the subject.

I lose all this passion after many hours wasting away just trying to pack in all the information.
Giving way to thoughts of perseverance and encouragement, negotiating with myself to just hang in a bit longer, it will not be long before i'm free from all of this. Drained of energy but still pushing on, Yearning for the end result, 'i will suffer now but will reap the rewards later'. I steadied myself, and carried on working.

Day after day after countless exams, i realized that this time of adversity was going to be a whole lot longer than i had though, pessimism over took the optimistic side of me and filled my mind with negligence. Studing had lost its importance. It seemed to erode away my soul everytime i read through the pages of textbooks.It was like going back to solitary confinement everytime i sat down and opened a tys.
'Maybe thats what eveyone describes as the "burn out" feeling'

Looking for an easier way out, i turned to computer games. Despite my absolute resentment of studing, i still felt a pang of guilt as i turned on my computer.
Fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of my classmates were feeling the same way as i did and had already been on the computer for some time! Spending countless euphoric hours on the computer, i drifted off to a fantasy world of warcraft.... Suddenly, my entire life revolved around the next game of 'dota' or maze defence. I was even dreaming of it at night!waking in the morning, strangely finding myself nolonger fighting orcs but rather in my own bed. I was only brutely struck back to reality when one of my classmates reminded me of the upcoming physics paper during one of our games. ' Oh yes! im having exams right now....' Amazing how i could have forgotten....
Feeling too engrossed with computer games, i picked up a book and proped myself on my comfy bed and began to read doggedly. After 2 days, i had finished a 590 page book. What had happened to me?
I had started off absolutely bent on studing, drifted off to hardcore warcraft and then to uninterrupted 'Da vinci's code' for hours on end, even up to 2 in the morning. These exams had done something to me....
Placed me in a world of my own.
Sigh! hard to explain but all i can say now is that the 'o' levels are not a test of academic excellence, they are a test of endurance.Who ever can hang on, keeping a focused mind till the end, wins.

2004-10-21T04:07:00.000-07:00

the cold air from the room engulfed us like a blanket as the door swung open. the lady stood at the entrance, gazing the lot of us with her cold and impatient eyes, almost reminding us of our imminent doom. Marching in single file with our pencil cases in hand, we could smell the faint odour of chemicals in the air from the previous shifts. Without delay, we manned our posts and deployed our weaponry; mechanical pencil, pen, eraser, ruler and the trusty calculator which had served me well the past year.
There on the iodine-stained table before me was the enemy we had been preparing to do battle with for the past two years. Countless hours slogging over the textbooks and many practice papers come and gone. This was the foe of our terrible nightmares, the nemisis of even the nerdiest boy in class. No, this was not something to be taken so lightly. It was the 'O' level examination booklet.
' Aaaarrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!'

NAH! It was'nt so bad!!Haha!
This is MUCH more exaggerated than it actually is....
It wunt too bad actually :)
Now to just keep going for another MONTH or so till the 19th of november, 17:45.
Sigh....

2004-09-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

Grin.... :D ---The reaction to the thought of the prelims actually ending soon!
That little spark of hope is like the light at the end of a long, miserably dark tunnel.
Like entering the last 200M of a race.
Does it spur motivation to 'sprint to the finish' or does it make one complacent?

If i feel this way about the prelims, what's going to happen when the 'o' levels start to draw to a close?
Ah! Prelims first, worry about 'o' levels later!

2004-08-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

Talking to my uncle today, i just realised that we are living in an idolistic society. When a student gets 6points for his 'o' levels, everyone showers praise and admiration upon him. Similarly, when an athlete excels in his arena and acheives a top position, he is adorned with medals and earns the pride of his countrymen.

All these 'acheivers' have something in common, they all strived in a relentless persute to reach a goal. In doing so, worked their arses off and incurred upon themselves a great deal of stress and a tremendous mental burdon to succeed. In a very fundamental way of seeing it-they suffered a great deal.

Now we as the average citizens have looked up to these 'success stories' and admired them..... for what?!--- For how they persevered to reach their goal, be it an olympic gold or a perfect 'o' level score and were enormously rewarded.

Because of our admiration for them and our greed for reward, we have 'idolised' or more simply 'made a role model of' these people. Then, longing to be in their shoes, started to work our arses off inorder to acheive what they have acheived before us. Thus, we emulate them. We then strive to be like them.
those of us who do manage to become the 'achievers' and succeed in society will in turn become role models for the next generation of aspiring youngsters. Notice that this is a cycle.

Then the question that we have to ask ourselves is..... What made the cycle start in the first place?
Perhaps an individual wanted to be different from the rest and decided to take the less travelled road, he wanted to do what no other man before him had done. However, it was a difficult journey and he suffered to reach his goal because people were putting him down for taking the unorthodox path. It was only when he reached his goal and made his mark did others turn and say,' wow, he really believed in that cause and strove to make it happen'.

Nowadays, the new generation of youths are encouraged, no, pushed to be that different individual that made his mark in society. Even if the youth does not have the dream to be a learned scholar or world-class athlete, they are pushed to fit into that mould.With our idolistic society, I can safely say that the 'achievers' of tomorrow will nolonger the ones who strive towards a goal that they set before themselves but people who are moulded into 'achievers'.

2004-08-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

Yay! rejoice! we have a 5 day holiday for the nation's birthday!
However belated i felt on friday, that is surely not how i feel now. :( Saturday, sunday,monday; Going for atleast 5 hours a day, i managed to finish the whole chemistry textbook and half of the biology textbook.
Pretty swell huh?
I guess but considering that the prelimary exams are in our imminent presence.. i should be doing twice as much! At least the 40min run in the gym, three meals a day, swimming everyday and the two movies i watched were GREATLY enjoyed and boy did i look forward to those when i was focusing on finishing up a chapter on nutrition. sigh.... the actual fact that i am blogging away on a blog that no one reads is a sign that i am really bored....... and have nothing more exciting to do.

2004-07-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

Holidays are over, however regretful we are, life goes on...
Thinking about the future, plans in mind, i see myself at a crossroad.

what am i going to do after o levels?

Presently, the steriotype path would be JC and then 'see how' from there.
Going through another Singapore system of the worse-than-o levels- A levels seems a tad bit too much to bear.
Today in class i was debating with lydia ho, my chemistry teacher on what a suitable answer to a question would be. She told me that my answer not only had to justify the question, but i had to add in other 'keywords' that would ensure me the full grade.
In that case, is this not testing you in the academic sense but rather regurgitating a model answer which markers recognise only?
If you ask me, i'd say not the most encouraging learning environment if students are penalised for a diferent sentance structure although being right. In this way, they worry not about the theological accurateness but rather if the answer would please the examiner who would award him marks!
This situation is made worse when all the secondary schools are competing for a top rank in a list compiled by a newspaper; the teachers in trying to allow their students to score better start teaching 'answering techniques' instead of teaching what is required.
A better method is to include something else, trivial maybe into the lesson. Would the student then know that there is is indeed something more to chemistry than alkanes and alkenes which he had studied a hundred times? Would he then maybe become more interested in the topic at hand?

Yup, long stuff short: I strongly dislike the rigidness of the Singapore system. I'm outta here right after o's baby!Where? Which my o level cert, i can go to Australia, Canada and the US!

Where are you going after the o levels?

2004-06-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

Ah, back from alaska...
Fun baby! hiking through barren wilderness with lurking wild animals around.
Fishing for king salmon.
Flying in my uncle's bushplane.
Eating american sized portions.
Eating chewing gum!! haha
I even got a tan! From all places Alaska!
Now back to hard reality of the upcomming o levels :)

2004-05-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!!! I am going away to Alaska!!!!!
I will miss all you guys here in Singapore... :(

To all who Prefer to go to con camp rather than outta singapore: Study hard for the rexams! Dont waste your time in camp!

To all Ma friends: try ad enjoy your holidays. like see tech hawk said,
you will need the rest! Oh yeah, good luck to both Aaron and Matthew while duelling it out on the tennis court for free Marche meals from each other.

To all mut runners: Rok on muts! Keep raaning! Don't ever ever doubt yourselfs, burn the track come july, i will be cheering! ;)

2004-05-22T00:58:00.000-07:00

Late night movies, gulping sodas and munching on snacks.
Waking up at 10 each morning.
Free afternoons to study for upcomming test and ample time to clear the increacing loads of homework.
No worries about saturday races and ultimately the final race in july...
Thats pretty much how it is going to be for me i guess......
However, with all pleasant things comes drawbacks.

In your time of crowning glory, i might just wish that i was in your shoes or had chosen a different path earlier.No doubt i will admire you for your dedication to a cause so great yet tremendously painful to undetake but more so for what you will have achieved.

I salute all of you.May you keep your spirits high while persuing this endevour and i beg you, Do not hold back to give it all you got and to burnt the last stretch of track, instead, give it as much firey passion as i saw in you in cross season.
Trust me guys, you will not regret it.

2004-05-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ah...Well!
Exams are finally over, two weeks of pure intense mugging and straining your brain to spounge every inch of the text book then trying to wring it dry of all the facts during your two or so hours of the exam.
Yep! sure! i don't have any reason to cram anymore... Infact, i can even play as many computer games and watch as much television for as long as i want!!!
However.... the 'stress relief' just has'nt set in, it does'nt feel like im free....
As if some other drudgery was still lerking deep in my sub-concious.... distracting me by making me feel guilty... of what?!

The only explanation i can give is... either 'its' not over till o levels are or...
somehow im getting ready for the track finals in july.

2004-05-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ayya..... So loney, go to school, sit outside the classroom--Mug till 7:55am.
Go to the auditorium, mugging along the way, sit for exam.
Interval between exams--Camp outside the auditorium and mug.
Second exam finish--ride bus home and yes, mug on the bus.

Come home, lockself in room-- Mug, come 7:00 pm, have dinner and go back to the books
Come 10:00pm, turn off light,sleep.
Next morning, wake up, get to school for the next wonderful cycle to begin.

Does it not end? It feels like im in a whole different world of my own now... Exam stress, pressure to do well. Hmm, i should'nt be blogging but studying.....

2004-05-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

Oh boy... tomorrow is english and emath 1. Hope i dont cock up on my english... Especially in the summary writing part.

(this is to all cross guys who are fascinated about the 'mud' impressions) Yeah, 'brudders' its very amusing 'n' all... especially when Leon goes;'Ay brudder! lets smoke ciga-rette and relac one corner!'
Then runs off somewhere and holds his pinched forefinger and thumb to his mouth while shifting his eyes from side to side but i think that some REAL malays would get quite pissed off if they ever see you doing one of your dumb immitations...Yes Kenneth, that includes you with your boom bokx

2004-04-21T02:18:00.000-07:00

Oh, one more study tip, stop wasting your time reading blogs and go study!!!

2004-04-17T05:36:00.000-07:00

Study tip number one: weks before the examinations, plan out your whole syllabus on a peice of paper down to every chapter of every textbook, then figure out how long it would take to go over each chapter.

Number 2 :Plan out your time table, how many hours a day are you free?

Number 3 :Don't dedicate any day to a single subject and it would bore you and you would lose concerntration studing.Instead have a chapter of physics..then a chapter of math.... so on...

Number 4 :Look at each area of every subject such as plotting graphs for emath or answering physics questions on electricity and seek out your areas of weakness, once you got that, practice till you are confident that you can ace any question like that if it were to come out.

Number 5: on the eve of each paper, do a mental prep of what you are going to do the next day during the actual exam. For eg: Tomorrow english pp1 i have 1hr 40min, i will need to be ready to think up an exciting story and translate my idea onto the paper in 45 min before i move onto the situational writing.
Do i know enough vocab to give it some spice? Do i remember the formats to all the situational writing topics?

Nmber 6 : when you go into the exam hall, take it seriously but don't over stress yourself! Infact, try to enjoy the paper! take it as a challenge to do your ut-most best in all your papers.

2004-04-15T04:36:00.000-07:00

The harbor process: invented in 1908 to meet the growing demands of nitrogen compounds in the industrial sector to make explosives and agriculturaly to make cheap, readily avalible fertilisers.
Nitrogen and hydrogen gas is passed over............

The rest is just extra loads of shit for me to squeeze into my brain! :d
- Eat,drink,sleep textbooks-

2004-04-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

Damn it, i have a sore throat and bongard chased me down to CCK stadium anyway.....In fact he wanted me to run aswell.... THEN, my event was cancelled thx to the weather.... wasted 1 hour driving there and another waiting at CCk :|
But none the less did some chem while Mr Ang talked to my dad about the Eu villa in cameron highlands... Why is he so interested with my family?! The bugger even thinks i take herbs every night or something...

2004-04-09T02:37:00.000-07:00

La dida di..... finished 5 chapters of social studies.*huef!*
Now blogging to waste time before i plunge myself into the chem tys.

2004-04-09T02:30:00.000-07:00

Remember all the times we've spent together.
Happy or sad.
Keep these beautiful memories dear to your heart.
And we shall run.
-Leon Wai
acX Team Captain 2004

2004-04-01T02:12:00.000-08:00

uhhh...... feeling tingily now.... the weekend is comming up!!
or is it because i went for a 15k bike run dispite the fact that i am sniffling and loosing my voice.*cough*
Sigh.... if there is some good advice i can tell you , its don't sleep at 12:30 for more than 3 nights in a row, of which one afternoon you had training.
Now, i am going to get so serious about o levels its not going to be funny. I am going to learn every single concept, every damn formula and biology term thats gonna be tested come november and more.
If you ask me how to balance a chemistry equation, ill do it for you. If you ask me any biology word, i'll explain it to you and even tell you where the word was adapted from.
Because now, i see how important o levels are. This is my chance.... I'm gonna get a 6-7 point L1R5 and apply straight to medical school in australia or the US! I can even apply for a sports scholarship :D. How swell is that you ask me?
Haha, once you see a clear path infront of you, run for it.You'll be laughing after you're thrown onto the fast track of life.

2004-03-28T06:41:00.000-08:00

Ayya, had the SPH relays over the weekend, sat and sun afternoon, on saturday took part in the 4 by 400m.... me,kenneth,kevin and muraly subsituted the sprinters in hope of us being able to qualify for them and then they run in the finals later that day so that they would'nt have to run twice but we did'nt qualify(lost to ganeng seng by .1sec)
then today my bloody team sabotaged me by placing me as the 4th leg of the 4 by 800meter race..... Not to mention that leon Wai chickened out for both the 4by 400 and 4 by 800. Well, when peter lined up to start his 2laps, he braced for the gun after the starting command was given and shot off..... but not quick enough, being trapped at the back of the pack,unable to catch up with the Chinese high and victoria who had taken the lead. Luckily in the end, he managed to come in 4th for acs when kevin took over, catching up a bit.... then kenneth the 3rd runner racing after the 2 leaders, catching,catching..... till the last 200m mark, he overtook them.... At this point, he was neck to neck with the chinese high guy and victoria guy,racing to the 3 last runners of the 3 schools, beside me was Nabil from Vs, whom i was sure could do a 2minute flat and a huge chinese high 800 runner who i heard did a 2:03 2 years ago.All waiting for our battling warriors sprinting home to hand us the baton so we could battle it out amungst ourselves. I could'nt help but groan, realising that the whole stadium and acs supporters were counting on me to maintain the lead and win later.
Kenneth lost out to the other 2 by 2 metres in the end and handed me the baton a split second later than them, shouting at me as i ran off,'Go! '
'Shit! ' i thought,they were 10meters away and breaking as i stretched forward with huge strides,trying to catch but in vain, they slowly broke away.... as i came in for the second lap, i was just lapping the last school, their 3rd runner had handed his 4th gu the baton and had retreated into my lane unaware that i was less than a second from hitting him, not sure which way he would go, i stuck to the left of the track and tried to squeeze inbetween him and the track railing.To my absolute disgust, he continued to hobble into my path, with no choice left, i pushed him away from myself, avoiding a collision but in the process knocking him hard onto the grass. Opps.... i glanced back to see him sprawled across the ground with people rushing to his aid.... Real opps.... i kept running, wanting to finish the race, unfortunately the 2 guys were already 60 meters infront of me, and kicking to the finish. i followed constantly, only increacing my pace in the last 150metres.
When i was done i desprately looked around for the guy i had pushed down but could'nt find him. When i asked his team mate, they did'nt respond. it was only after someone reminded me that 'it was'nt my fault' trying to relive my guilt did i think to look over to the first aid tent. Then, i saw him, laying on 2 chairs with 2 saint John guys caring for him did i think,'uh oh....' This guy was seriously hurt...
When i got over i could'nt help but keep apologising to the guy, he must have been a year younger than me.... I just stood there for 10minutes watching the SJAB guys attending his wounds, he had a deep cut on his left elbow....
I felt so guilty:(

2004-03-26T06:10:00.000-08:00

Geesh, today, after running at the inter house track and field finals for ncc and getting the individual champion for sec4,lotsa guys were comming up to me to congradulate me. my only reaction was to shake their hand and say 'thanks'. I realised, why the hell am i running competitively inthe first place? Just to be famous and to have people say'well done' with a pat on the back? maybe its the feeling of being a nationaly ranked athlete, knowing that you are indeed somebody in this world of 6.3billion people.....Or is it just the need to kill yourself by running faster, so much that it hurts to the bone to keep running while supporters cheer you on.
Somehow, i can only lie to myself why i keep this up.... Others would say, you are so good! why stop? It does make logial sense does'nt it? I've been training since secondary 2, at least 3 times a week and then compete in a national competition and do really well.
But now i realise that i only did most of the training because i had nothing else to do! i had no other CCA, people told me to train as they 'saw my potential'.
Then after that, running became my life.I spent most of my free time doing it, because of that,i mixed with fellow runners who ran,swim and lifted weights with me 3+times a week and they along with running became a part of my life too.They then became my 'team' of friends who would endure the same training as i did.Whatever motivated them to keep training was'nt clear to me.The training sucked! it did, most of it was pretty terrible but hey, they kept going for it. So i did too.I was then going for training not mainly to run faster but to hang out with the team. Now, while i dread the upcomming 3:18's, i can still look forward to talking to the team, telling lame jokes and giving each other stupid nicknames:p
You can say, just skip the training, and go out with your friends after it to play lan or watch a movie.Though, it just is'nt the same, you are no longer close to the guys when you don't go through the same as they do,if you don't suffer with them.This is the main thing i fear if i do not run for this year's track and field nationals.... i would only go to the national stadium to watch them, eduring the pressure from themselves and others while warming up, striding with faces scared to death from being so nervous, oh how i can feel for them.........i know what its like guys... Then lineing up along the starting line, The whole stadium watching them, waiting to pass unjust comments when they start running. Having to listen to the sports council official read his breifing for racing and then, hearing the dreaded command, 'go karisan'. The adrelanine rush. 'Bang!' Racing dozens of other runners around a track, ans as the race progresses, you are dying from the anaerobic strain, lactic acid is drowning your legs and keeping the pace all the way is an impossibility,let alone having to sprint at the last 100meters.
Watching then from far away, suffering, going through a trememdously stressful event, I can only feel for them. My own heart rushing.
Later at the celebration dinner, they may sit next to me, if they decide to, they would feel as if i was someone else who just came down for the day to cheer
, there would me no bond between me and the team and all i can do is to look at the proud runners and wish i could be like them.

Dilemma... run or not..... save my self or miss out on this opportunity, not everyone has the chance to be in my shoes, but not everyone knows what it means. Is it really worth it? to win another or 2other national golds? does it even mean anything to me? what would i sacrafise in doing so. what would i sacrafise by not doing so.God help

2004-03-22T05:02:00.000-08:00

Today in the library,while waiting for my 3000metre event, i was with aarom wong and leon wai doing homework. Leon being leon aand Aaron just wanting to be funny were playing around with each other's stationary items, first Leon was fiddling with Aarons thermometer,making a joke about taking his temperature from his armpit. Then aaron stole his shoe bag containing his track spikes as ransom in hope of getting his thermometer back.
Leon, like i said being leon threatened to shove the thermometer up his own ass if Aaron did not give the shoebag back immediately....... :p. poor aaron, his thermometer which he would have to take future readings from oraly was going to find its way up leon's ass.....I on the other hand was laughing off the chair, partially at aaron's dilemma to sacrafise his thermometer or to give up his hostage shoebag and absolutely at Leon's crazy threat.

Anyway, today at the 3000m, i realised how much my stomach flu had taken its tole on me, i was planning on hitting the school record(9:24) and maybe even the nationa record(9:21) which would need to be run at a 74sec pace per 400meter. I was going the first 600m fine.... but when i got to the second lap, i saw that i was already way behind time and was already begining to feel the strain. Then i thought to myself,'why bother to try and maintain the pace if i can't make it!'
so i slowed down, just enough to stay infront of the second runner, Mr Leon Wai, and did an ok 10:08

2004-03-22T04:44:00.000-08:00

2004-03-21T01:27:00.000-08:00

Gosh, still got.... amth paper 2....... an emath paper 1 and 2 paper 2's, well, what the heck.
Its only school work, will probaby finish it in class coping my friends one period before its due.

I redid my blog today and sacrafised a precious afternoon not cycling but its worth it i think, now it isnt so gay...

2004-03-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

Its a friday afternoon, I have just come back from school and i cannot explain why i feel so depressed.
Mr Ang our Acjc coach calls it post race trama, Paul Tan, our assistant coach says, ' it just a lack of oxygen, and makes you

very sleepy.' Well, true i feel sleepy. But i remember the circumstances of harder runs, never have i ever been so dull!! In

class i feel like screaming at the teacher to shut up, well i do actually, but only in my mind. After school and during

recess its such a strain to get out of class, let alone to walk with a heavy school bag. The only reason for my 'great

depression' could be because of last wednesday's cross finals....

I can't explain my situation that well, so i am just gonna start from last november.2003 when we in our initial stages of

training with mr Sim.
In november, every monday, wednesday and friday i would get up at 7am, have my breakfast, usually hearty cerial(how do you

spell that!!)with lotsa muslei and skim milk together with fresh fruit. I was training for the nationals next year! had to

eat right, right?(haha). Then my mum would drive me to School.
At school,the cross team trained with the badminton boys, not for anyother reason except to be under Mr Sim, the badminton

coach. We had been done with ms Jaya and now were simply coachless. I would have to say, mr Sim's training was quite easy

compared to what jaya did with us. His training was almost pure over-distance runs.Apart from the occassional killer

fartleg,there was nothing to his training.None the less, i had my heart set out for the up comming nationals next march. Got

to train harder! i thought to myself every long run,i really wanted to be in the top 10 next year, last year i came in 19th

and this a impressive 25th considering the amount i trained,but no! next year was the year,in sec4 i was going to train my

heart out during the next 3 months and get a single digit position.
That thought formed the basis of my motivation and inspiration for the next 3 months, no matter how challenged that idea

would be, by the 'tough' training to come or by my concience trying to change its mind.
Throughout the holidays, i wokeup,had breakfast,went to school to train,went out with friends, had dinner and slept. Fairly

simple right?On the perfect path to making a stand at the up comming nationals. Thats pretty much how it was all the way till

christmas. Me,my bro and my dad went to London.Was'nt that stupid!? here i am, practically giving up my holidays to train and

my dad takes us away on a week's trip. Dispite me telling him that i wanted to train really seriously, he still booked the

tickets..... Said ' this is a once in a life time opportunity! you will not regret it'
Fine, we went for a week, the week during which my team had their 20k night run. When we got to the holiday inn, i pulled out

my running shorts and t-shirt out of my suit case and changed in the hotel bathroom that we were supposed to share during our

stay in London.Quickly, while they were still unpacking, i walked out of the room and announced my relocation from the hotel

room to the gym.
When i got to the gym, i hopped onto the tred treadmill and jammed my finger into the 'increace speed' button. All i felt

like doing, was to run. Till then, running was my form of escape from any source of fustration, if anything bothered me, i

would run. My kidnap trip to london away from training bothered me, it bothered me that i would lose out at the nationals,

that i would appear to my team members as someone who was not serious about march3rd and that made me want to run

faster....my dad thought that i needed time away from running, that it gave me stress.in fact, running made me feel satisfied

that i was indeed doing somthing about the nationals!It was ironicly this 'holiday' that was going to pull me down! and that

thought stressed me.

Well, i ran about 3 times during that 6 days in London. have to admit, enjoyed the experince dispite the fact that my

teammates were all training hard back in Singapore.

When we got back, the next training was with Acjc, on a saturday. leon my captain and also good friend had told me over the

phone that we had since left the guidance of mr Sim and accepted the help of ACJC's cross coach, mr Lawrence Ang.He had heard

our cry and had the heart to take us in, wow, must be a nice guy i thought, maybe did it in the spirit of acs.

That saturday my whole concept of 'hard runs' was about to change...I was introduced to the acjc team, both boys and girls,

my first impression of the boys was of them being the best in 'a' division,the champion runners they were last year and

extremely fast. Dispite the fact that our acsi team had been training with them for the week i was away, the two different

school groups still mingled amung themselves.After warm up, mr Ang, the coach in shades as we put him later on, called the

captains and vice captains for a private meeting, he then told us the workout or training plan.

Untrue to my ears, he had told us that we were to do 3 whole sets of boys course(each of 4.5k length) at race pace!! that

means all-out-kill-yourself type of run.The math ran hrough in my head as if i was calculating my dead sentance.Mr Sim's

workouts were NOTHING compared to this killer plan, 'but the first half of the route is at a light jog pace' mr Ang added, as

if changing my sentence from 'beheaded with a chainsaw' to 'beheaded with kitchen knife'. that was still about....2k, three

times... 6k all out!! 'nevermind, hard training just means we improve more'.My naive mind reassured myself.

I need not tell you how i was at the end of that killer session.From then on, after that dreadful work out,many more

followed.Monday-3:18's and 400m's, Wednesday,some killer interval or fartleg followedby not less than 10hills and saturday,

more interval, fartleg and hills, only on our lucky days did we have races on saturday where we had a realtively mild 4.5k.

All the way through, i pushed myself, in the beginning it was because i still wanted to do well for the cross finals in

march, but after a week or so of punishing workouts, that idea of wanting to train harder faded away.By then i had almost

caught up to ACJC's best runner, Ee ghim. If i were to slow down during the training, not only would i be letting my

teammates down,letting them see their best runner lose to the ACJC runner, i would also get a diehard scream from mr Ang,'

Keep up to him Elliot! dont let him break away!!!'
The days that i would remember forever would be those mondays on the track doing 3:18s and 400meters interval.Especialy at

6pm, when it was dark, gloomy and raining, we had countless more sets of intervals to do.The acs(i) boys and i were all more

than ready to quit.I saw a slight sense of defeat in our panting faces during our recovery phase, i think the only reason

they stayed on to finish the workout was that they were there as a team, suffering together.none of us were going to quit, to

leave the team stranded,that would pretty much mark us out side the team.Ironicly, dispite the tremendous urge to stop this

self torture, we carried on,held together by the invisible bond of team spirit.
The ACJC guys on the other hand were ferocious as possible, blocking out their pain and focusing on the task ahead.They all

stared urgently at their watches,awaiting the next set of 400meters. I heard their vice-captain,Rahu, scream out in forced

encouragement,'Come'on guys!! 6 more! you can do it!'.
At that moment in time, with all my inspirations knocked down by the constant demoralising killer training,totaly open to

pessimism, i wanted to stop.

My love of running had turned on me, i could no longer escape from the dreadful trainings, inintialy i had a reason to keep

training.Now, it just seemed pointless to keep listening to myself, it was no use...

It had turned from my source of escape to the only thing i wanted to escape from.

One of the saturdays, during the Addidas Wings race at turf city, we had just finshed warming up and were striding up and

down the carpark that was right next to the starting line. Our 2 other rival schools, The Chinese high and Victoria were all

there including Chinese high's famous runner,Geoffry Ng, whom i had heard so many things about, one of which was that Ee

Ghim, Acjc's top runner trained ridiculously hard last year just to beat him but failed to do so, at the cross meet at

Sentosa and at the track meet later in July.ON all counts in the final sprint home.

As we lined up, i consoled leon and kevin,nervous as before any race,'relax, this is just a hard run with many people.' They

looked at me doubtfuly, although this was a friendly race, they must have realised the 50 or so schools acompaning us at the

start line, along with chinese high and victoria,the running power houses.
THe official gave us a short breifing on running ettiqute and moved aside, and with the malay starting command all of us have

come to respect and fear,' Go karisan!' the air horn wailed away as i dashed forward, aiming straight for the tangent to the

turn, trying to take the shortest possible route, runners from every possible school trying to squeeze infront of me.As we

jostled forward, down the tarmic path and a sharp left turn onto a downhill road, some of my competitors sarted to slow

behind me.Infront was a sparse group of front runners still going strong by the time i had reached the foot of the hill, i

also noticed 3 chinese high runners up ahead, one was just behind the lead runner and the other 2 pacing each othernot too

far ahead of me.That front runner must have been Geoffry, the running legend.
Still, runners continued to slow and to my utter amasement, i was in 4th position by the time i was comming down the hill,
now Geoffry was 70meters ahead with everyone traiking behind. As i stared with respect at that small figure in the distance,

i realised how much of a gap he had created between himself and us others. That guy could never be caught.... Slowly and

steadily I moved apprehensively to the front
Of the pack,just waiting for the original leaders to burst out infront of me.I could not imagine myself being the second in

s'pore! Maybe I wasn't pacing right?clouds of doubt flooded my mind,I was suddenly scared to be overtaken.Then, that

pathetic fear of mine,shared only by prey about to be pounced on by a watching predator, came swiftly over me, I felt an

adrelanine surge,icould not be overtaken! Not after rushing to second place! At that moment I had another 1kilometer

left,driven only by fear, i jumped the pace,pounding the gravel harder.as the pain of pushing my anaerobic limit set in, all

I could think of was stopping. Running around the long bend to the final strech of 400meter straight was a fight against

will to keep going,'how muchlonger must I keep going?'thoughts crashed into my head.the screams of student supportersdrowned

my heavy breathing.Just as i was about to giveup and slow to a comfortable pace, i heard my coach,mr Ang scream'strong finish

Elliot!'. The command from him pushed me forward,reluctantly I ran faster,toward afinish line that never seemed to get

anycloser,the anaerobic strain was already too much to bear but still my legs moved, my chest burning with every second of

movement . Before finally , I passed the heavenly white line, retreating to the side of the officials tent to try to breathe

in oxygenless air. After a minute i so of heavy panting, and after most of the top 10 runners had come in and started to

recoperate as I had done, I noticed jeffrey standing casually by a pole of the tent, obviously not in too much distress.I

walked up to him with a smile,probably with one of respect and said stubbornly,'you must be Jeffrey !........ I know Ee

Ghim!' I said proudly, as if to justify my introduction to the running legend himself.Strangely, the only reply I got

was,'are you sec 3or 4?' Not wanting to displease him, I immediately answered 'sec4'. After which he gave me a big enough

hint that the conversation had ended by walking away.

When I collected my prize later that day at the prize giving ceremony,I wanted to shake Jefferys hand but before I could get

to him, the second chinese high runner who had come in 3rd caught me with an outstreched hand to congradulate me,once I

thanked him, jeffery was nowhere to be seen.

As we progressed closer to the competition date, our resttime was slowly cut down for our interval training,forcing our

bodies to recover faster.As well as forcing our sense of pain to shutdown and focused on our ultimate goal, march3rd.

On following races,we saw either only the chinese high second team or no Jeffery in their first team.Victoria also did not

participate in the last of the races, the Swift race 2weeks before the nationals, not surprisingly ,there was the chinese

high team but no Jeffery, after the mass start, I worked my way to the front as i did in the wings race but did not see any

prominent figure running in the distance,nor did I reconise the first chinese high runner in the pack.Where was Jeffery !!

putting that thought aside, concerntrated on the race and kept the pace.I finished first without any increase in pace,or

finishing kick, a much easier run than amonth ago that's for sure...in fact, it was so much easier that I remembered to stop

my watch, 15:18!that’s a pb!wow, after the rest of the team came in, we headed to the hill to do our workout, 5hills... While

we were celebrating how we had another 3 acs guys in the top ten for that race, a large group of men came running in, I

recognized the group immediately ,the front runner was paul thompson,s'pores best runner,followed by a gurka from the police

force and just behind him was Jeffery Ng, a secondary school boy taking part in the men's open...
No wonder i had not seen him during the race, he was even leading Ee Ghim, ACJC's top runner.
Perhaps this guy so untouchable that it was pointless for him to take part in the under 17 age group.
The killer trainings, which made us physicaly and mentally exhausted had become a routine, every week we would be mostly

occupied with training and the time we did have to ourselves, we were too tired to do anythingelse but sleep. Now the only

hope was that the competition was in a week's time and it would all be over by then.The mere fantasy of indulging in fat-rich

food like ice-cream and fried Kwei Tiao was enough to make us smile.In a weeks time,This maddness of running ourselves to the

limit would be over. Our studies had already been badly affected, more than often enough, i found myself asleep during many

classes,not because of the boring teacher but because of the lack of rest from training the day before.Like any amount of

sleep would be sufficient to fully recover from Ang's workouts?

During our last training at Turf city before the race on saturday, paul Tan, our assistant couch said to me,'I believe you

can do it elliot, everyone here believes that you can beat Jeffery.All you have to do is to stick with him and at the last

part,Whack!Last year i stuck with michael(the guy paul beat at last years nationals to claim the championship) all the way,

until the last part where i knew he was mentally defeated and i took him.'I recognised the plainess in his voice when he said

'i took him' paul sounded neither proud of himself nor scared at his bold act as if telling me,' You just overtake him, plain

and simple as that.'
Noticing the sight of our serious prep talk, Ee Ghim walked up to us and tried to help.'During the race,'
his hand pointed at my stomach,slanting inward a bit,choping it every time he stressed a point.
'Jeffery is most probably going to whack the first part, maintain and by the time you have caught up to him, you would be

exhausted and he would own you during the last bit'
He shared with me these few words of wisdom in a very secertive manner,not wanting anyone else besides paul and i to hear

him. The both of them, Paul, last years A division champion and Ee Ghim, the guy who wanted to beat Jeffery so badly last

year but failed were not telling me, they were instructing me on how to beat the running legend.Although i was content with

being second and getting the cross season over with, i could feel myself uneasy from the pressure brought on by not just

these 2 people, but by every other runner and non-runner supporter who wanted to see me win,who wanted to have an ACS

champion in the B division.
I was already content with a second place! Why pressure me to try for gold? I mean, second is south-zone colors already!

Besides, i am already glad that this season is going to be over and done with by the end of this week. I thanked them for

their very encouraging remarks and walked off, though i could still sense them smiling into my face, as if i had already done

something that made them excited.

sunday came and went, followed by monday and tuesday, on both days i was uneasy where ever i went,the feeling was as if the

world was comming to an end. The holiday on tuesday, granted by Drong because of our good O level results was an even more

miserable day.The whole day i was in bed, thinking of nothing else but the next day, my thoughts were so vivid that

adrelanine pumped throught my heart, as if i was doing some killer 3:18s. It was impossible to take a nap, once i closed my

eyes, they would spring back open, almost aware of some imminent danger at hand.

On the competition day,wednesday 3rd of march,i came to school late, arriving just before the national anthem .i dropped my

bag which had no school books in it in front of my class door and stood behind my class for assembly,while i stood there,

none of the words from the speaker or teachers that flooded from the loudspeaker reached my head , it was allready occupied

by another strand of thought.
I sat motionless at my desk, just awaiting 9:30 to come before I would leave to join up with my team at the space frame. All

i could do was stone and stare blankly at where ever, I was so uneasy. When i noticed that it was 9:30, i froze, trying to

delay this impending doom of mine. It was only when i gathered up enough courage to stand up with my bag did i leave, i

explained my leave to the teacher and walked out of the class. I met sebastian and a few other C division guys already

waiting at the space frame but i did not see the other B division guys. Where was leon!? it was already 9:45 and leon, peter

and kenneth were not here. I was getting myself fustrated and nervous before the race. Quickly i called paulus, the acjc team

captain, and asked him where we were meeting,making sure that he knew we were comming.
'Lets go!!' i shouted at the guys that were already there,I was beginning to take my fustration out on the others.Peter,

together with kenneth arrived with a packet of fried food just as i was about to lose my head. followed by leon who was

carring a bag with our team shirts.So that was why he was so late, i realised i just over worried myself.
We walked to ACJC and met up with their team in the dance room, most of them sleeping soundly on exercise mats on the dance

floor, listening with earphones around their head.That was the sign that we ought to start stoning on the dance floor and

sleep before lunch and mental prep.
I emptied my bag on the floor and took my pocket pc and stuffed the ear peices in my ears.later tried to sleep on the

exercise mat with my pillow under my head.Although i had michelle Branch blasting into my head, the thought of me running at

the turf still came to mind,just silenced by the music. Glimpses of the trail flashed through my head,i was looking through

my eyes and i saw the hill in front of me,i was all alone but running at my race pace.The music got slower and i was running

on the long straight of grass, relaxed and enjoying the motion of moving my legs .The song died, my pocket pc was changing to

the next track.This song was had a much faster tempo and suddenly i was into my last 400m at turf city, i was dying but

sprinting to the finish, i could feel my heart pound, everything was going very quickly but i could'nt finish,could'nt reach

the end! i wanted to stop so badly.I jumped up, finally escaping from the thought. I was still in the dance room but the

thought of what was comming later that afternoon scared me.As we had lunch,carbohydrates and more carbohydrates, i could'nt

help but feel the sense of impending doom upon me,just then someone to my left burst out laughing.i turned to see that the

ACJC guys were having a social gathering, bitching about teachers and making funny jokes. Why were they so relaxed?! They

even seemed happy just to be there, either they did'nt care or they just did'nt let it get to their heads.

Time passed ever so slowly and finally we were heading towards the bus that would bring us to Turf city, that sense of doom

followed me all the way there, past bouna vista MRT, holland road, guthre house and finally the grand stadium of turf city.
when we got out, nothing had changed since last saturday, it just had more people.There were so many people there, there must

have been a 100 schools there, some of them unfamiliar neighbourhood schools who just came for fun,never expecting to win

anything and there were the all too familiar schools.In the carpark below the stadium, victoria prefects waved their school

flags high.School buses of students unloaded to begin cheering for their runners.Not too far away from us in the stadium was

The Chinese High school, changed into their running outfits and resting for the big race 2hours from now. Not surprisingly i

did'nt see jeffery with the group.
Dispite the tense moments,Leon still managed to pull out his mp3 player and play 'shut your fucking face uncle fucker' and

'kyles mum is a bitch' from southpark, the ridiculous free use of swear words was hilarious and thankfully, i managed to

forget about cross country for a few minutes. Oh how wonderful it felt!! we warmed up along the edge of the turf, next to the

softball fields, later stretching at the touch rugby pitch not too far away from the officials tent. Everyone was so silent,

none of us wanted to talk, it was almost like we wanted to suffer in silence before the final race. Kenneth showed us a neat

way of stretching up,it involved twisting your ankle to both sides when stretching hamstrings and quardraceps.After we were

done, we walked over to the carpark where we tried to stride, only managing to do so by curving around the masses of people

that flooded the carpark. I nearly crashed into a group of girls from CHIJ secondary but i did'nt care.At that time, crashing

into them to finish my 60meter stride was more important than trying to avoid them by stopping suddenly. Now, the moment was

perfect, the enviroment, at Turf city, surrounded by swarms of supporters 30minutes before the final race that would decide

the school's rankings for cross-country, the verdict on our 4 months of grueling training and sacrafise was here, today.

Adrelanine spewed from my adrenal glands.We reported to the official and sat down in a straight line according to the speed

of the runners, me, kevin,kenneth,leon,peter and xide. after 5 or so minutes of waiting, we moved to the starting line and

lined up with raffles on our left and victoria on our right, just beyond victoria was Chinese High.Standing infront fo the

chinese high group was none other than Mr Jeffery. Although we were less than a meter away from each other and i must have

been staring at him for 5 seconds, he never turned once to look at me. He definately noticed me as he twisted his head from

left to right, stretching his neck out.The officialcame to the front of the pack of 50 schools or so all cramped up along the

starting line and started his breifing, none of which i heard. All there was to see was the open turf up ahead and the gloomy

cloudy weather up above. I turned around to the team and we prayed, for the team, it was more to show the other schools that

we were christian runners with god on our side but for me, it was really asking god to guide us all the way through to the

finish line.Ahmen, We face forward, geared up by squatting slightly and our hands by our chest, ready to jostle anything

aside.'Go karisan!' the words cut through and invoked a sense of tension and readiness like none other.

******beeeeeeeep!*******

Lunging forward with utmost aggretion from the reaction to the siren, i started to open up my strides, this was it, this was

the last 4.5kilometer of my season, the thought sacred me but at the same time i was so glad that it was going to be over.I

started a bit fast, drifting past the victoria guy and next to Jeffery. i thought that i would just pace with him till the

end and then let him break away while i came in a pretty glorious second.Surprisingly, Jeffery was not going faster than i

had expected, i stuck with him, wondering what the hell i was doing with this national record holder. By the time we had

gotten to the hill, he was panting already.but i continued to pace with him, not daring to get too far ahead, almost to the

top i saw some ACJC supporters, i waved to them trying to break free of the nervous moment and also to try and make jeffery

think that i was enjoying the run. On seeing me, they screamed 'go AC!!' and waved back.Slightly encouraged by them, i moved

just ahead of Jeffery, not wanting to dissapoint them.Down the hill past another group of supporters and on the long stretch

of tarmic.We ran side by side observing each others breathing.As we moved onto the grass part, some sports council officials

gave a friendly 'come on' and clapped as we came by.I took the lead and cut around the shortest route of the trail as the

path turned left and right, before finally gradually turning to the long stretch of grass, all the while on the grass i was

just infront of him so i decided to slow down a bit and to let him take the lead, as i slowed, i felt myself

relaxing,adjusting to a more comfortable pace, jeffery quite rapidly adjusted to the pace and came back along side me but did

not over take me, we were already 1.5km from the finish and he was satisfied just keeping pace.Again we reached the group of

ACJC supporters and the bottom of the hill, they screamed their hearts out as we came nearer, at this time i was already

tiring and losing confidence in myself to maintain the lead.One of the teachers there shouted out my name all of a

sudden,'keep going elliot!' i had no idea who she was but at that sound, i realised that i could'nt let my school down, at

that moment i also remembered someone telling me that i was not only running for myself but for the team and the school.With

only 1km left to go i shouted to Jeffery ,"come on Jeffery!' hoping that he would do a quick break away, releaving the

pressure from everyone else to keep in front of him.Unfortunately he did'nt move, he almost wanted me to take the lead by not

increacing the pace. It was then, i decided that i was not going to keep up with him just enough so that he could sprint

past me in the finish, i would have to start my kick right now.With that i jumped forward with energy i did not realise i had

and ran into the blankness of the empty trail, nobody infront of me, no one to pace with, all i could do now was just to run

as fast as my legs could carry me, i could not let Jeffery over take me, i was already there, finishing, i came around the

bend of the track to the last 400meters of the race, by then, the lactic acid was killing me and i was punishing myself for

over taking jeffery with negative thoughts,'now he's just going to over take you in a sprint finish at the end!'
'your dead, there are hundreds of people watching now, they are all from hwa Chong and all of them want jeffery to win.'
At this, i slowed down, just waiting for jeffery to spring past me.i feltlike a chicken on a cutting board, awaiting the

knife upon its neck. As i pulled myself along, past the incredible noise,good old Mr Ang shouted ,' he's 20meters behind you

elliot!'
Again fearing the threat from behind i raced forward,driven only by the thought that that finish line up ahead was the end to

all of this, to all of this mad training, to the pressure from everyone else to be number one, not for your glory but for the

school's, a glory that they could share.No more competition,my legs burned with lactic acid. No more training! i pushed even

harder. This is the end of mad running, i saw the last 70meters infront of me and yearned for it, this was the last bit of

countless kilometers we had put in. I was dizzy, all i could see was the gap between the officials tent, and i threw myself

at it.

*beep*

*beep*

the championchip system sounded in recognition of the chip on my right foot. I had finally finished.... that was it......

I started falling to the side, grabbing one of the saint John cadet's arm, then collapsing on the floor past him, i was so

dizzy i could not walk straight, i was also so outta breath but my lungs were weak and it was such a strain to breathe, i

tried again to stand up but realised i could'nt on my own, i held up my hand, hoping the Saint Johns guy would help me up and

sure enough, someone grabbed my arm and tugged at it, dragging me up to my feet, i immediately went dizzy, the whole world

around me spun and wobbled, just as i was about to fall, the saint john's guy caught me by the right arm and started to lead

me out of the grass area to the car park. He asked me something but i do not remember what it was.The only thing i'm certain

of is that i mumbled a soft almost groaning sound, nothing close to sounding like english. I just could'nt help it, my mouth

was numb and so was the rest of my body. I never found the guy later to thank him but if it was'nt for him, i would still be

crawling arond on the floor not knowing where i was going.I got to the supermarket trolley tent and sat down on the metal

bar, to my absolute disgust, my dumb mother poped up with sun glasses and grabbed me by the arm and started to wipe the

phlegm from my mouth. In my totaly defenceless state wher i was too tired to even say something in english or to even raise

my arm in disagreement, she starts to wipe my mouth, infront of all the supporters that had come to see me. It even felt as

if she was obstructing my mouth so i could'nt breathe. gathering up my strength, i stretched out my arms in both directions

and gave a weak shove to whoever was too close to me, i felt soooooo terrible and their body heat and hot air made it so much

worse. Scrambling to the patch of grass just next to the carpark, i slowly recovered and avoided everyone. At that moment i

was'nt proud of what i had done, i did'nt feel any sense of oustanding acheivement. Now i was even afraid, now i had a title

to defend in the up comming track meet. Sometimes i wonder whether i should have let Jeffery win, it would certainly have

made him and his mum happier, i saw him after the prize giving ceremony being scolded by a woman much shorter than him, it

must have been his mother.I would not have cared less!i would still get the wonderful south zone colors and would'nt have to

keep running for track or would have a better reason not to as i had no championship in my name to defend.
now, i can even ask myself the stupid question, 'do i want to run for track?'
You may say, but all you do is sacrafise a few days of your week and grab the gold at the competition!! Soo simple right....
Thinking back on all the trainings, stress from competitions, pressure from people.Haahahahaha!i'd give you an obvious no f*** you!!!

2004-03-15T22:56:00.000-08:00

Its a friday afternoon, I have just come back from school and i cannot explain why i feel so depressed.
Mr Ang our Acjc coach calls it post race trama, Paul Tan, our assistant coach says, ' it just a lack of oxygen, and makes you

very sleepy.' Well, true i feel sleepy. But i remember the circumstances of harder runs, never have i ever been so dull!! In

class i feel like screaming at the teacher to shut up, well i do actually, but only in my mind. After school and during

recess its such a strain to get out of class, let alone to walk with a heavy school bag. The only reason for my 'great

depression' could be because of last wednesday's cross finals....

I can't explain my situation that well, so i am just gonna start from last november.2003 when we in our initial stages of

training with mr Sim.
In november, every monday, wednesday and friday i would get up at 7am, have my breakfast, usually hearty cerial(how do you

spell that!!)with lotsa muslei and skim milk together with fresh fruit. I was training for the nationals next year! had to

eat right, right?(haha). Then my mum would drive me to School.
At school,the cross team trained with the badminton boys, not for anyother reason except to be under Mr Sim, the badminton

coach. We had been done with ms Jaya and now were simply coachless. I would have to say, mr Sim's training was quite easy

compared to what jaya did with us. His training was almost pure over-distance runs.Apart from the occassional killer

fartleg,there was nothing to his training.None the less, i had my heart set out for the up comming nationals next march. Got

to train harder! i thought to myself every long run,i really wanted to be in the top 10 next year, last year i came in 19th

and this a impressive 25th considering the amount i trained,but no! next year was the year,in sec4 i was going to train my

heart out during the next 3 months and get a single digit position.
That thought formed the basis of my motivation and inspiration for the next 3 months, no matter how challenged that idea

would be, by the 'tough' training to come or by my concience trying to change its mind.
Throughout the holidays, i wokeup,had breakfast,went to school to train,went out with friends, had dinner and slept. Fairly

simple right?On the perfect path to making a stand at the up comming nationals. Thats pretty much how it was all the way till

christmas. Me,my bro and my dad went to London.Was'nt that stupid!? here i am, practically giving up my holidays to train and

my dad takes us away on a week's trip. Dispite me telling him that i wanted to train really seriously, he still booked the

tickets..... Said ' this is a once in a life time opportunity! you will not regret it'
Fine, we went for a week, the week during which my team had their 20k night run. When we got to the holiday inn, i pulled out

my running shorts and t-shirt out of my suit case and changed in the hotel bathroom that we were supposed to share during our

stay in London.Quickly, while they were still unpacking, i walked out of the room and announced my relocation from the hotel

room to the gym.
When i got to the gym, i hopped onto the tred treadmill and jammed my finger into the 'increace speed' button. All i felt

like doing, was to run. Till then, running was my form of escape from any source of fustration, if anything bothered me, i

would run. My kidnap trip to london away from training bothered me, it bothered me that i would lose out at the nationals,

that i would appear to my team members as someone who was not serious about march3rd and that made me want to run

faster....my dad thought that i needed time away from running, that it gave me stress.in fact, running made me feel satisfied

that i was indeed doing somthing about the nationals!It was ironicly this 'holiday' that was going to pull me down! and that

thought stressed me.

Well, i ran about 3 times during that 6 days in London. have to admit, enjoyed the experince dispite the fact that my

teammates were all training hard back in Singapore.

When we got back, the next training was with Acjc, on a saturday. leon my captain and also good friend had told me over the

phone that we had since left the guidance of mr Sim and accepted the help of ACJC's cross coach, mr Lawrence Ang.He had heard

our cry and had the heart to take us in, wow, must be a nice guy i thought, maybe did it in the spirit of acs.

That saturday my whole concept of 'hard runs' was about to change...I was introduced to the acjc team, both boys and girls,

my first impression of the boys was of them being the best in 'a' division,the champion runners they were last year and

extremely fast. Dispite the fact that our acsi team had been training with them for the week i was away, the two different

school groups still mingled amung themselves.After warm up, mr Ang, the coach in shades as we put him later on, called the

captains and vice captains for a private meeting, he then told us the workout or training plan.

Untrue to my ears, he had told us that we were to do 3 whole sets of boys course(each of 4.5k length) at race pace!! that

means all-out-kill-yourself type of run.The math ran hrough in my head as if i was calculating my dead sentance.Mr Sim's

workouts were NOTHING compared to this killer plan, 'but the first half of the route is at a light jog pace' mr Ang added, as

if changing my sentence from 'beheaded with a chainsaw' to 'beheaded with kitchen knife'. that was still about....2k, three

times... 6k all out!! 'nevermind, hard training just means we improve more'.My naive mind reassured myself.

I need not tell you how i was at the end of that killer session.From then on, after that dreadful work out,many more

followed.Monday-3:18's and 400m's, Wednesday,some killer interval or fartleg followedby not less than 10hills and saturday,

more interval, fartleg and hills, only on our lucky days did we have races on saturday where we had a realtively mild 4.5k.

All the way through, i pushed myself, in the beginning it was because i still wanted to do well for the cross finals in

march, but after a week or so of punishing workouts, that idea of wanting to train harder faded away.By then i had almost

caught up to ACJC's best runner, Ee ghim. If i were to slow down during the training, not only would i be letting my

teammates down,letting them see their best runner lose to the ACJC runner, i would also get a diehard scream from mr Ang,'

Keep up to him Elliot! dont let him break away!!!'
The days that i would remember forever would be those mondays on the track doing 3:18s and 400meters interval.Especialy at

6pm, when it was dark, gloomy and raining, we had countless more sets of intervals to do.The acs(i) boys and i were all more

than ready to quit.I saw a slight sense of defeat in our panting faces during our recovery phase, i think the only reason

they stayed on to finish the workout was that they were there as a team, suffering together.none of us were going to quit, to

leave the team stranded,that would pretty much mark us out side the team.Ironicly, dispite the tremendous urge to stop this

self torture, we carried on,held together by the invisible bond of team spirit.
The ACJC guys on the other hand were ferocious as possible, blocking out their pain and focusing on the task ahead.They all

stared urgently at their watches,awaiting the next set of 400meters. I heard their vice-captain,Rahu, scream out in forced

encouragement,'Come'on guys!! 6 more! you can do it!'.
At that moment in time, with all my inspirations knocked down by the constant demoralising killer training,totaly open to

pessimism, i wanted to stop.

My love of running had turned on me, i could no longer escape from the dreadful trainings, inintialy i had a reason to keep

training.Now, it just seemed pointless to keep listening to myself, it was no use...

It had turned from my source of escape to the only thing i wanted to escape from.

One of the saturdays, during the Addidas Wings race at turf city, we had just finshed warming up and were striding up and

down the carpark that was right next to the starting line. Our 2 other rival schools, The Chinese high and Victoria were all

there including Chinese high's famous runner,Geoffry Ng, whom i had heard so many things about, one of which was that Ee

Ghim, Acjc's top runner trained ridiculously hard last year just to beat him but failed to do so, at the cross meet at

Sentosa and at the track meet later in July.ON all counts in the final sprint home.

As we lined up, i consoled leon and kevin,nervous as before any race,'relax, this is just a hard run with many people.' They

looked at me doubtfuly, although this was a friendly race, they must have realised the 50 or so schools acompaning us at the

start line, along with chinese high and victoria,the running power houses.
THe official gave us a short breifing on running ettiqute and moved aside, and with the malay starting command all of us have

come to respect and fear,' Go karisan!' the air horn wailed away as i dashed forward, aiming straight for the tangent to the

turn, trying to take the shortest possible route, runners from every possible school trying to squeeze infront of me.As we

jostled forward, down the tarmic path and a sharp left turn onto a downhill road, some of my competitors sarted to slow

behind me.Infront was a sparse group of front runners still going strong by the time i had reached the foot of the hill, i

also noticed 3 chinese high runners up ahead, one was just behind the lead runner and the other 2 pacing each othernot too

far ahead of me.That front runner must have been Geoffry, the running legend.
Still, runners continued to slow and to my utter amasement, i was in 4th position by the time i was comming down the hill,
now Geoffry was 70meters ahead with everyone traiking behind. As i stared with respect at that small figure in the distance,

i realised how much of a gap he had created between himself and us others. That guy could never be caught.... Slowly and

steadily I moved apprehensively to the front
Of the pack,just waiting for the original leaders to burst out infront of me.I could not imagine myself being the second in

s'pore! Maybe I wasn't pacing right?clouds of doubt flooded my mind,I was suddenly scared to be overtaken.Then, that

pathetic fear of mine,shared only by prey about to be pounced on by a watching predator, came swiftly over me, I felt an

adrelanine surge,icould not be overtaken! Not after rushing to second place! At that moment I had another 1kilometer

left,driven only by fear, i jumped the pace,pounding the gravel harder.as the pain of pushing my anaerobic limit set in, all

I could think of was stopping. Running around the long bend to the final strech of 400meter straight was a fight against

will to keep going,'how muchlonger must I keep going?'thoughts crashed into my head.the screams of student supportersdrowned

my heavy breathing.Just as i was about to giveup and slow to a comfortable pace, i heard my coach,mr Ang scream'strong finish

Elliot!'. The command from him pushed me forward,reluctantly I ran faster,toward afinish line that never seemed to get

anycloser,the anaerobic strain was already too much to bear but still my legs moved, my chest burning with every second of

movement . Before finally , I passed the heavenly white line, retreating to the side of the officials tent to try to breathe

in oxygenless air. After a minute i so of heavy panting, and after most of the top 10 runners had come in and started to

recoperate as I had done, I noticed jeffrey standing casually by a pole of the tent, obviously not in too much distress.I

walked up to him with a smile,probably with one of respect and said stubbornly,'you must be Jeffrey !........ I know Ee

Ghim!' I said proudly, as if to justify my introduction to the running legend himself.Strangely, the only reply I got

was,'are you sec 3or 4?' Not wanting to displease him, I immediately answered 'sec4'. After which he gave me a big enough

hint that the conversation had ended by walking away.

When I collected my prize later that day at the prize giving ceremony,I wanted to shake Jefferys hand but before I could get

to him, the second chinese high runner who had come in 3rd caught me with an outstreched hand to congradulate me,once I

thanked him, jeffery was nowhere to be seen.

As we progressed closer to the competition date, our resttime was slowly cut down for our interval training,forcing our

bodies to recover faster.As well as forcing our sense of pain to shutdown and focused on our ultimate goal, march3rd.

On following races,we saw either only the chinese high second team or no Jeffery in their first team.Victoria also did not

participate in the last of the races, the Swift race 2weeks before the nationals, not surprisingly ,there was the chinese

high team but no Jeffery, after the mass start, I worked my way to the front as i did in the wings race but did not see any

prominent figure running in the distance,nor did I reconise the first chinese high runner in the pack.Where was Jeffery !!

putting that thought aside, concerntrated on the race and kept the pace.I finished first without any increase in pace,or

finishing kick, a much easier run than amonth ago that's for sure...in fact, it was so much easier that I remembered to stop

my watch, 15:18!that’s a pb!wow, after the rest of the team came in, we headed to the hill to do our workout, 5hills... While

we were celebrating how we had another 3 acs guys in the top ten for that race, a large group of men came running in, I

recognized the group immediately ,the front runner was paul thompson,s'pores best runner,followed by a gurka from the police

force and just behind him was Jeffery Ng, a secondary school boy taking part in the men's open...
No wonder i had not seen him during the race, he was even leading Ee Ghim, ACJC's top runner.
Perhaps this guy so untouchable that it was pointless for him to take part in the under 17 age group.
The killer trainings, which made us physicaly and mentally exhausted had become a routine, every week we would be mostly

occupied with training and the time we did have to ourselves, we were too tired to do anythingelse but sleep. Now the only

hope was that the competition was in a week's time and it would all be over by then.The mere fantasy of indulging in fat-rich

food like ice-cream and fried Kwei Tiao was enough to make us smile.In a weeks time,This maddness of running ourselves to the

limit would be over. Our studies had already been badly affected, more than often enough, i found myself asleep during many

classes,not because of the boring teacher but because of the lack of rest from training the day before.Like any amount of

sleep would be sufficient to fully recover from Ang's workouts?

During our last training at Turf city before the race on saturday, paul Tan, our assistant couch said to me,'I believe you

can do it elliot, everyone here believes that you can beat Jeffery.All you have to do is to stick with him and at the last

part,Whack!Last year i stuck with michael(the guy paul beat at last years nationals to claim the championship) all the way,

until the last part where i knew he was mentally defeated and i took him.'I recognised the plainess in his voice when he said

'i took him' paul sounded neither proud of himself nor scared at his bold act as if telling me,' You just overtake him, plain

and simple as that.'
Noticing the sight of our serious prep talk, Ee Ghim walked up to us and tried to help.'During the race,'
his hand pointed at my stomach,slanting inward a bit,choping it every time he stressed a point.
'Jeffery is most probably going to whack the first part, maintain and by the time you have caught up to him, you would be

exhausted and he would own you during the last bit'
He shared with me these few words of wisdom in a very secertive manner,not wanting anyone else besides paul and i to hear

him. The both of them, Paul, last years A division champion and Ee Ghim, the guy who wanted to beat Jeffery so badly last

year but failed were not telling me, they were instructing me on how to beat the running legend.Although i was content with

being second and getting the cross season over with, i could feel myself uneasy from the pressure brought on by not just

these 2 people, but by every other runner and non-runner supporter who wanted to see me win,who wanted to have an ACS

champion in the B division.
I was already content with a second place! Why pressure me to try for gold? I mean, second is south-zone colors already!

Besides, i am already glad that this season is going to be over and done with by the end of this week. I thanked them for

their very encouraging remarks and walked off, though i could still sense them smiling into my face, as if i had already done

something that made them excited.

sunday came and went, followed by monday and tuesday, on both days i was uneasy where ever i went,the feeling was as if the

world was comming to an end. The holiday on tuesday, granted by Drong because of our good O level results was an even more

miserable day.The whole day i was in bed, thinking of nothing else but the next day, my thoughts were so vivid that

adrelanine pumped throught my heart, as if i was doing some killer 3:18s. It was impossible to take a nap, once i closed my

eyes, they would spring back open, almost aware of some imminent danger at hand.

On the competition day,wednesday 3rd of march,i came to school late, arriving just before the national anthem .i dropped my

bag which had no school books in it in front of my class door and stood behind my class for assembly,while i stood there,

none of the words from the speaker or teachers that flooded from the loudspeaker reached my head , it was allready occupied

by another strand of thought.
I sat motionless at my desk, just awaiting 9:30 to come before I would leave to join up with my team at the space frame. All

i could do was stone and stare blankly at where ever, I was so uneasy. When i noticed that it was 9:30, i froze, trying to

delay this impending doom of mine. It was only when i gathered up enough courage to stand up with my bag did i leave, i

explained my leave to the teacher and walked out of the class. I met sebastian and a few other C division guys already

waiting at the space frame but i did not see the other B division guys. Where was leon!? it was already 9:45 and leon, peter

and kenneth were not here. I was getting myself fustrated and nervous before the race. Quickly i called paulus, the acjc team

captain, and asked him where we were meeting,making sure that he knew we were comming.
'Lets go!!' i shouted at the guys that were already there,I was beginning to take my fustration out on the others.Peter,

together with kenneth arrived with a packet of fried food just as i was about to lose my head. followed by leon who was

carring a bag with our team shirts.So that was why he was so late, i realised i just over worried myself.
We walked to ACJC and met up with their team in the dance room, most of them sleeping soundly on exercise mats on the dance

floor, listening with earphones around their head.That was the sign that we ought to start stoning on the dance floor and

sleep before lunch and mental prep.
I emptied my bag on the floor and took my pocket pc and stuffed the ear peices in my ears.later tried to sleep on the

exercise mat with my pillow under my head.Although i had michelle Branch blasting into my head, the thought of me running at

the turf still came to mind,just silenced by the music. Glimpses of the trail flashed through my head,i was looking through

my eyes and i saw the hill in front of me,i was all alone but running at my race pace.The music got slower and i was running

on the long straight of grass, relaxed and enjoying the motion of moving my legs .The song died, my pocket pc was changing to

the next track.This song was had a much faster tempo and suddenly i was into my last 400m at turf city, i was dying but

sprinting to the finish, i could feel my heart pound, everything was going very quickly but i could'nt finish,could'nt reach

the end! i wanted to stop so badly.I jumped up, finally escaping from the thought. I was still in the dance room but the

thought of what was comming later that afternoon scared me.As we had lunch,carbohydrates and more carbohydrates, i could'nt

help but feel the sense of impending doom upon me,just then someone to my left burst out laughing.i turned to see that the

ACJC guys were having a social gathering, bitching about teachers and making funny jokes. Why were they so relaxed?! They

even seemed happy just to be there, either they did'nt care or they just did'nt let it get to their heads.

Time passed ever so slowly and finally we were heading towards the bus that would bring us to Turf city, that sense of doom

followed me all the way there, past bouna vista MRT, holland road, guthre house and finally the grand stadium of turf city.
when we got out, nothing had changed since last saturday, it just had more people.There were so many people there, there must

have been a 100 schools there, some of them unfamiliar neighbourhood schools who just came for fun,never expecting to win

anything and there were the all too familiar schools.In the carpark below the stadium, victoria prefects waved their school

flags high.School buses of students unloaded to begin cheering for their runners.Not too far away from us in the stadium was

The Chinese High school, changed into their running outfits and resting for the big race 2hours from now. Not surprisingly i

did'nt see jeffery with the group.
Dispite the tense moments,Leon still managed to pull out his mp3 player and play 'shut your fucking face uncle fucker' and

'kyles mum is a bitch' from southpark, the ridiculous free use of swear words was hilarious and thankfully, i managed to

forget about cross country for a few minutes. Oh how wonderful it felt!! we warmed up along the edge of the turf, next to the

softball fields, later stretching at the touch rugby pitch not too far away from the officials tent. Everyone was so silent,

none of us wanted to talk, it was almost like we wanted to suffer in silence before the final race. Kenneth showed us a neat

way of stretching up,it involved twisting your ankle to both sides when stretching hamstrings and quardraceps.After we were

done, we walked over to the carpark where we tried to stride, only managing to do so by curving around the masses of people

that flooded the carpark. I nearly crashed into a group of girls from CHIJ secondary but i did'nt care.At that time, crashing

into them to finish my 60meter stride was more important than trying to avoid them by stopping suddenly. Now, the moment was

perfect, the enviroment, at Turf city, surrounded by swarms of supporters 30minutes before the final race that would decide

the school's rankings for cross-country, the verdict on our 4 months of grueling training and sacrafise was here, today.

Adrelanine spewed from my adrenal glands.We reported to the official and sat down in a straight line according to the speed

of the runners, me, kevin,kenneth,leon,peter and xide. after 5 or so minutes of waiting, we moved to the starting line and

lined up with raffles on our left and victoria on our right, just beyond victoria was Chinese High.Standing infront fo the

chinese high group was none other than Mr Jeffery. Although we were less than a meter away from each other and i must have

been staring at him for 5 seconds, he never turned once to look at me. He definately noticed me as he twisted his head from

left to right, stretching his neck out.The officialcame to the front of the pack of 50 schools or so all cramped up along the

starting line and started his breifing, none of which i heard. All there was to see was the open turf up ahead and the gloomy

cloudy weather up above. I turned around to the team and we prayed, for the team, it was more to show the other schools that

we were christian runners with god on our side but for me, it was really asking god to guide us all the way through to the

finish line.Ahmen, We face forward, geared up by squatting slightly and our hands by our chest, ready to jostle anything

aside.'Go karisan!' the words cut through and invoked a sense of tension and readiness like none other.

******beeeeeeeep!*******

Lunging forward with utmost aggretion from the reaction to the siren, i started to open up my strides, this was it, this was

the last 4.5kilometer of my season, the thought sacred me but at the same time i was so glad that it was going to be over.I

started a bit fast, drifting past the victoria guy and next to Jeffery. i thought that i would just pace with him till the

end and then let him break away while i came in a pretty glorious second.Surprisingly, Jeffery was not going faster than i

had expected, i stuck with him, wondering what the hell i was doing with this national record holder. By the time we had

gotten to the hill, he was panting already.but i continued to pace with him, not daring to get too far ahead, almost to the

top i saw some ACJC supporters, i waved to them trying to break free of the nervous moment and also to try and make jeffery

think that i was enjoying the run. On seeing me, they screamed 'go AC!!' and waved back.Slightly encouraged by them, i moved

just ahead of Jeffery, not wanting to dissapoint them.Down the hill past another group of supporters and on the long stretch

of tarmic.We ran side by side observing each others breathing.As we moved onto the grass part, some sports council officials

gave a friendly 'come on' and clapped as we came by.I took the lead and cut around the shortest route of the trail as the

path turned left and right, before finally gradually turning to the long stretch of grass, all the while on the grass i was

just infront of him so i decided to slow down a bit and to let him take the lead, as i slowed, i felt myself

relaxing,adjusting to a more comfortable pace, jeffery quite rapidly adjusted to the pace and came back along side me but did

not over take me, we were already 1.5km from the finish and he was satisfied just keeping pace.Again we reached the group of

ACJC supporters and the bottom of the hill, they screamed their hearts out as we came nearer, at this time i was already

tiring and losing confidence in myself to maintain the lead.One of the teachers there shouted out my name all of a

sudden,'keep going elliot!' i had no idea who she was but at that sound, i realised that i could'nt let my school down, at

that moment i also remembered someone telling me that i was not only running for myself but for the team and the school.With

only 1km left to go i shouted to Jeffery ,"come on Jeffery!' hoping that he would do a quick break away, releaving the

pressure from everyone else to keep in front of him.Unfortunately he did'nt move, he almost wanted me to take the lead by not

increacing the pace. It was then, i decided that i was not going to keep up with him just enough so that he could sprint

past me in the finish, i would have to start my kick right now.With that i jumped forward with energy i did not realise i had

and ran into the blankness of the empty trail, nobody infront of me, no one to pace with, all i could do now was just to run

as fast as my legs could carry me, i could not let Jeffery over take me, i was already there, finishing, i came around the

bend of the track to the last 400meters of the race, by then, the lactic acid was killing me and i was punishing myself for

over taking jeffery with negative thoughts,'now he's just going to over take you in a sprint finish at the end!'
'your dead, there are hundreds of people watching now, they are all from hwa Chong and all of them want jeffery to win.'
At this, i slowed down, just waiting for jeffery to spring past me.i feltlike a chicken on a cutting board, awaiting the

knife upon its neck. As i pulled myself along, past the incredible noise,good old Mr Ang shouted ,' he's 20meters behind you

elliot!'
Again fearing the threat from behind i raced forward,driven only by the thought that that finish line up ahead was the end to

all of this, to all of this mad training, to the pressure from everyone else to be number one, not for your glory but for the

school's, a glory that they could share.No more competition,my legs burned with lactic acid. No more training! i pushed even

harder. This is the end of mad running, i saw the last 70meters infront of me and yearned for it, this was the last bit of

countless kilometers we had put in. I was dizzy, all i could see was the gap between the officials tent, and i threw myself

at it.

*beep*

*beep*

the championchip system sounded in recognition of the chip on my right foot. I had finally finished.... that was it......

I started falling to the side, grabbing one of the saint John cadet's arm, then collapsing on the floor past him, i was so dizzy i could not walk straight, i was also so outta breath but my lungs were weak and it was such a strain to breathe, i tried again to stand up but realised i could'nt on my own, i held up my hand, hoping the Saint Johns guy would help me up and sure enough, someone grabbed my arm and tugged at it, dragging me up to my feet, i immediately went dizzy, the whole world around me spun and wobbled, just as i was about to fall, the saint john's guy caught me by the right arm and started to lead me out of the grass area to the car park. He asked me something but i do not remember what it was.The only thing i'm certain of is that i mumbled a soft almost groaning sound, nothing close to sounding like english. I just could'nt help it, my mouth was numb and so was the rest of my body. I never found the guy later to thank him but if it was'nt for him, i would still be crawling arond on the floor not knowing where i was going.I got to the supermarket trolley tent and sat down on the metal bar, to my absolute disgust, my dumb mother poped up with sun glasses and grabbed me by the arm and started to wipe the phlegm from my mouth. In my totaly defenceless state wher i was too tired to even say something in english or to even raise my arm in disagreement, she starts to wipe my mouth, infront of all the supporters that had come to see me. It even felt as if she was obstructing my mouth so i could'nt breathe. gathering up my strength, i stretched out my arms in both directions and gave a weak shove to whoever was too close to me, i felt soooooo terrible and their body heat and hot air made it so much worse. Scrambling to the patch of grass just next to the carpark, i slowly recovered and avoided everyone. At that moment i was'nt proud of what i had done, i did'nt feel any sense of oustanding acheivement. Now i was even afraid, now i had a title to defend in the up comming track meet. Sometimes i wonder whether i should have let Jeffery win, it would certainly have made him and his mum happier, i saw him after the prize giving ceremony being scolded by a woman much shorter than him, it must have been his mother.I would not have cared less!i would still get the wonderful south zone colors and would'nt have to keep running for track or would have a better reason not to as i had no championship in my name to defend.
now, i can even ask myself the stupid question, 'do i want to run fro track?'